Glennon Doyle's Guide to Life
I really wanted to hate Untamed. Last spring, I saw it everywhere I looked. You could not scroll through Instagram or peruse Twitter without seeing an image of its striking technicolor cover. I even tweeted something obnoxious about it back in May. “The devil works hard,” I wrote “but the book publicist behind Glennon Doyle’s ‘Untamed’ works harder.” Well, more than six months later, consider me humbled. Untamed is one of the most important books women (and anyone who loves or has ever loved a woman) can read.
First, let me make something clear: I am no stranger to, and I am not shy about, my enjoyment of the “self-help” genre. If you are, I have three words for you, and I want you to listen very carefully: get over it. It never fails to amaze me that we live in a society where it is taboo to want to improve. We are the only people we’ll spend our entire lives with, start to finish. Frankly, we should be openly obsessed with becoming the best versions of ourselves. And I’m not talking about “optimizing” or putting butter in your coffee or waking up at 4 am and swimming in an icy river. I’m not even talking about working out or eating healthy. I’m talking about spiritual health. This, to me, doesn’t have to do with God. It has to do, literally, with the health of your spirit. Spirit, by definition is “the nonphysical part of a person which is the seat of emotions and character; the soul.”
Do you go to bed at night replaying interactions in your head: ones that happened and went “wrong” and ones that haven’t, and might not even ever happen? Are you reactive via text or email? Do you get defensive when someone disagrees with you, even on the most minor and mundane issue? Spoiler alert: we all do, to some degree. And Untamed won’t fix that. But, if you cast aside doubt and take it seriously, this book will help you understand you. And, honestly, there’s nothing better for spiritual health than that.
First, let’s start with Doyle’s story, because it’s an amazing one. She was diagnosed with bulimia by age 11, and, by the time she turned 26 and found out she was pregnant, deep into alcoholism, and regularly doing drugs. The day she found out she was pregnant, Doyle decided to get sober, keep the baby, and marry the man who had gotten her pregnant. She was Christian, and this was what good Christians did.
A few years into their marriage, Doyle finds out her husband has been cheating on her – with multiple women. She decides to stick with him. She writes a book on sticking with him. In fact, this book blows up. It becomes the book on soldiering on through marital infidelity. Then, in 2016, once Doyle has become the expert on working through marital issues and is at a librarian’s conference to promote the book she wrote on standing by her man, she encounters Abby Wambach, the legendary and recently retired soccer star who had fallen from grace after developing pill and alcohol addictions and getting a DUI. Wambach and Doyle fall in love at first sight and correspond via email for months before Doyle announces to her husband that she’s leaving him for her. At this point, she’s never even kissed a girl.
Untamed blends memoir and manifesto, with a more detailed version of Doyle’s above life story intertwined with the lessons said life story has taught her. Doyle writes with a ferocity you can feel.
Doyle writes about motherhood and modern parenting, which, interestingly enough, were the chapters I found most fascinating and helpful. She writes about when she stopped being “a daughter” and became her own person, realizing she had to protect herself, and her children, against fears that her mother was attempting to share with her that were not her own. She writes about the “parenting memo” that today’s parents are given; don’t ever let your child suffer, ensure they get participation trophies for everything they do, etc., and why said memo is bullshit.
She writes about why girls are predisposed to distrust other strong, confident girls, the power of team sports, why disappointing others is better than disappointing yourself, why control is the opposite of love, and even topics as sweeping as “how to change the world” (follow your “heartbreak”). I was going to list a few favorite passages below, but first of all, I couldn’t choose, and second of all, I truly believe everyone will take what they need from this book, and it will be unique. So, instead, I’m going to end the review here and ask that everyone picks up a copy and lets me know what their favorite passage is when they’re done. I guarantee it’ll be hard to pick just one.